2003-10-03 - 10:26 a.m.
I love you, Barry Zito. I would like to shake your hand and kiss your dorky bearded self. Good job yesterday, meat. My A's have the BoSox by the huevos and are squeezing. Do you feel that, Manny Ramirez? This is probably your last chance, big guy. Are you sure you want to waste it deciding what color your hair should be tomorrow?
I would also like to thank the baseball gods for scheduling today's Giants/Marlins game for 1:00 PT, so that I can track it on Gamecast. And if anybody knows the guys who wrote the software for Gamecast...give 'em my number. Those are some software engineers I'd like to hang with.
I have a meeting in half an hour with my office manager, a meeting during which she is likely to tell me that when my current supervisor retires, the new one will be this woman I can't stand, who likes to refer to workers as "resources". I am not a locking file cabinet. I am not a fax machine. To make it worse, I have to tell her today that there's no way I can finish the writing she wants by the end of the day. There's just too much there, plus I've been too busy with other projects. (And no, toggling back and forth from ESPN is not helping!)
I miss my knitting. For one day this weekend, I'm going to turn off the cell phone, silence the home phone, and slide the laptop under my bed. I want eight solid hours of quiet to knit, hang out with my kitty, and be alone. I've had no time to process lately, and it's catching up with me. Something happened last night that's never happened to me before. Yes, of course I'll tell you all about it - just give me a second to get my thoughts clear.
[beat] [beat] [beat]
The date was almost over. He'd walked me back to my car. The first kiss was soft, kind of hesitant. The second one was better. And then I was facing J Street with traffic rushing by, Geologist wrapped around me, fully pulled in to lips and hands and breath. It was good, it was sexy, it was fun. Until. Until I suddenly wasn't there anymore; I was back with J, kissing him for the first time all those years ago. I was with Nom de Plume, pressed against the wall of my living room. I was with Scratcher outside, letting him walk me backwards to hide between trees.
This has never happened to me before. I've never thought about anyone but the person I'm with. I feel awful about this. Yes, we're just dating, and yes, it's early in our dating. And he knows I'm seeing other people. But it still felt very, very wrong. It was especially hard to realize that I wanted to be with Scratcher. It was already midnight, and Scratcher gets off at two a.m. I wanted nothing more than to wait for him to get home and crawl into bed at his place. No sex, just comfort. And he'd be fine with that.
Crap. I don't want to hurt anybody. Who am I becoming here?
Comments: Speak your piece!
former / latter