2003-11-10 - 9:40 p.m.
The last week or so, I've found it harder and harder to know what to say here. There's this constant uncomfortable tickle in my life, saying something is wrong, something is wrong, and I don't have the words to express th amorphous unease that's pervading every waking hour. Yes, we're still waiting to hear about my mom's test results. That's part of things. Financial concerns are contributing, too. But if you ask me what's wrong--I can't say. Scratcher's treating me like I'm a precious gift. He brought flowers and introduced me to more friends this weekend. I liked the friends. I liked the flowers. There shouldn't be anything wrong.
It's true that work is miserable. It's time to admit that, as much as I've tried to make it my own, this job is sapping my energies. I don't care about what I do, and that's always been a big motivator for me. It's hard to stay engaged when I watch the university spend $600,000 recruiting an administrator who doesn't know ass from head. This is the first work I've ever done where being focused and adding to your skill set are actually considered problems. There are few other options locally, so I'm obligated to stay where I am. So yeah, work is dragging on me.
I plan to spend tomorrow exercising - something that's sadly fallen off since Daylight Savings took away my post-work bike time - and trolling a few new ethnic markets. I'm extremely crappy company right now, and the idea of even being in a movie theater with 50 people brings on claustrophobic shakes. No, thank you. I'll settle for some Vietnamese dried mango with chili flake. It's far more reassuring than humanity.
I know I promised you pictures; the film is still languishing in my purse. Either tomorrow or Wednesday, ok? And I did write down recipes for the entire dinner with Scratcher Saturday night. I had the leftover mushrooms and polenta today. Yummy. I'll post those soon, too.
Take care, y'all.
2003-11-10 - 1:58 p.m.
I am. So. Tired.
Real post later either after I've napped. Or after a researcher at this confounded university declares office work to be bad for your health. Whatever comes first.
Happy Birthday David!
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