2003-10-24

2003-10-24 - 1:09 p.m.

I'm in love with these felt hats, and this purse would be ideal for Mom's Christmas present. All of my original Xmas gifts are kaput, since I stopped knitting a while back. I have the baby gifts done (two hats and the Puppy Love set), but everything else was tossed aside when I started dating. Ah well.

I'm in a much better mood. There's a big salad in my tummy, Scratcher called over lunch, and this book about Flame Rite Zippo lighters rocks.

Something else to take care of this weekend is the rest of my Halloween costume. I need to sew a nice big Batman emblem onto my violet(!) unitard, some flares onto my elbow-length gloves, and make myself a utility belt something like this one:

Figure a trip to Michael's ought to do it. Time to buy that new digital camera and take some pics for y'all. I bought the most fantastic red wig last weekend. (The original Batgirl has red hair, damnit!) Scratcher says I look downright evil in it. Goodie.

2003-10-24 - 11:24 a.m.

How do I get myself into these things?

Tonight I have plans with friends; we're doing a little fundraiser for our friend who's hosting the big Halloween bash. He was just fired (Mike gets fired from *every* job), so he's low on cash for the shindig. Pass the envelope, people.

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to:
Take a long bike ride
Have lunch with Mom
Go lingerie/costume shopping with Miss Beek and Sassy K
Take a nap
Cook dinner for Scratcher
Go out for drinks after dinner

All I'd really like to do is sleep until Scratcher comes over, then drag him, willing or no, onto my king-sized bed for a couple of frisky hours. You know how there's all this conventional wisdom that says as a woman ages, her libido increases? Oh my god. If that's the case, by the time I hit 50, I'm going to have to stop working just to get enough time in for sex. No kidding--my body is so impatient, on Tuesday I walked into his apartment, said "shut up" when he asked me how my day was, and fell to my knees. My name is Kaetchen and I'm a sexaholic.

Dontcha love anonymity? There are all of three readers here who know my real name. Not that it's that sensitive an issue - please, my in-the-flesh friends are quite aware of my nookie obsession, and a couple of them are just as bad - but still. I rarely mention this blog to everyday friends. Miss Beek was one of the first to know it existed, and at first I was a little offended that she didn't want to read. But her point was that everybody should have a place where they can be completely themselves, without having to worry about the impact on friends and family. She wanted to leave me room, in other words, to bitch about *her* if necessary. I doubt it ever will be - we resolve our little conflicts very quickly - but damn, what a good friend.

What am I thinking, talking about friendship? We were focused on bedsports.

Every time you get involved with someone, you have to decide how much to tell them about your past. One of the things I like about Scratcher is that he's not afraid to talk about what worked and didn't work in previous relationships. A number of years back, I had an affair - there's no other word for it - with a married couple. I was *extremely* fucked up at the time, and my then-boyfriend was living in Germany, also sleeping with other people, so at least the cheating wasn't an issue. I wasn't in love with either of the pair, but the woman fell in love with me. The affair lasted about six weeks; I broke it off for many reasons, not the least of which was that having sex with another woman was much more fun in my fantasies than in real life. (I wasn't attracted to her, which may have been a big part of the problem.) Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy. The marriage broke up - though this was unrelated to the affair. The woman got so possessive and strange that I had to end our friendship. The man left town. The woman finally did, too.

Then she came back. Now, this is someone with whom I have friends in common, and the affair was a long time ago. I try to never say no to a friendship. So over the past couple of months, we've been slowly, slowly becoming friends again. I've set up very strict borders and enforced them; she's been respectful. I still don't like being alone with her, but in a group of people, things are fine. And some of the things that made me like her, friend-wise, in the first place are still there. Our outlook on life and how we deal with the world is very similar. So it's been difficult not to fall back into a closer friendship with her.

Scratcher knows that this affair happened, but hasn't asked about who it was with. But it came up earlier this week that yes, there are two people (I included Geologist) in my circle of friends that I've slept with. It's not like I've done half of the city - it still only takes two hands to count my partners. But he was a little put off. Then, while we were at dinner, my cell phone beeped to signal a text message. Apparently when I saw who it was from (Nom de Plume), my face changed. Fuck. He was not happy. It was a very weird feeling. I've never dated a man who was jealous. In fact, they've all been the exact opposite - see whoever you want, when you want. Could it be that finally someone's jealous because my presence is actually important to him? I want to see it that way, because it makes me feel good. I'm not going to stop being friends with any of these people. I don't cheat or lie. He's going to have to trust me, or we'll never get anywhere.

I think it's time for a little psychological reinforcement for him. You tell me - it's perfectly okay to remind him that I'm not a cheater while sitting naked on his hips, giving him a massage, and leaning forward just enough to nipple-brush him, right? That's not a tricky tactic, right?

Yeah, yeah. Keep your snickering to yourselves.

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