Works in Progress
Wavy scarf for Christmas present in Manos del Uruguay (mostly on the shuttle, so it's slow going)

Current Obsession
Head.Must.Stay.Above.Water.

Last Google Search
Airline prices from Sacramento to Memphis - my parents have both sold their houses!

Woo-Hoo!
We have tickets for the Old 97's on October 16! Happy anniversary, honey!

Loving
My Netflix queue, which saves me from real TV

Munching
Burritos with home-cooked pintos, sharp cheddar and spinach

Cooking
Roasted peppers with crumbled queso fresco

Garden stuff
My poor garden - totally neglected and dry.

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Many thanks to:
Diaryland
PixelScripts
Artwork © Lian Quan Zhen

Previously...

i got a new attitude - September 24, 2004

- - September 22, 2004

- - September 20, 2004

Is this thing on? - September 20, 2004

- - September 15, 2004

2003-08-13

2003-08-13 - 11:35 a.m.

Oh god. I'm cruising through the day today, doing all right, and then suddenly something hits me, a memory, and I feel like I'm going to be sick. The humiliation just washes over me, and I don't know how to make it stop. Could somebody somewhere please send me some good energy? My best friends are battling, I've been dumped by somebody great, and I'm still hurting from J. I've been dealing with this stuff for almost a year, and every time I get a handle on it, it comes back in spades.

2003-08-13 - 9:53 a.m.

I'm writing from inside a training class, designed to bring me further up to speed on the university's ancient and hideously patched human resources database. Every time I work with this piece of junk, I'm further horrified at what passes for record keeping. Don't even get me started on how old and useless the database is. It automatically purges anything 5 years or older, which means you have to have a sense of humor when using the "history" queries. It spews out random error messages when you're updating - which everyone tells me to ignore. Um, ignoring error messages really isn't my style, ok? No, usually I go into the code, rewrite it and make the stupid thing WORK. Grr. At any rate, I'm thoroughly bored.

I've udpated the Musts in a small way below, to more accurately reflect what I read. Ator always makes me think and laugh. Adrift in Japan is devBear's story of moving to Sapporo with her husbard. URLDJ is a random sampling of pieces from a bunch of bright, incisive web readers. Use the links below right; I'm not feeling that html friendly.

So I was talking to a divorced friend the other night. I don't know much about his marriage other than it ended because she was sleeping with his best friend, and knowing that, I'm not going to quiz him. He's a good guy, if a little shell-shocked. (Who can blame him?) And we started talking about sex. (Okay, we were drinking. So shoot me.) It turns out this guy, who is attractive in his own distinct way and *very* gentle, has been nookie-free for two years. Since I was swimming in four Citron and tonics and self-pity, my initial reaction was to check him out and think, hey, let's go. Yeah, right. That's not me, not him, and the words never made it out of my brain and over the uvula. Instead, I gave him a big hug and said, "Honey, it's going to work out. The right one will show up eventually." Then I bought him a beer.

I pulled Tarot in the Celtic Cross last night, which I do only about once a season.* One of the recurrent themes was authenticity - living according to your beliefs. Well, one of my strongly held beliefs is that we *have* to take risks to reap any kind of reward. As I lay in bed last night, thinking about the Tarot results, I realized that there had been huge risks inherent in the gent who signed me off. I won't go into them in detail, but we both knew it was unlikely to work. But in a certain way, we've still succeeded. Having developed a solid friendship - which we do have, thank god - has already beaten every odd and is a reward in itself for having been brave. Yes, I'm still full of regret and hurting. It's not often I meet somebody and have this connection. But I get to keep some of the good parts, and that's going to have to be enough. I'm trying to see his friendship as a gift. And even more, I'm trying to take my own advice that somebody good will come along eventually. In the meantime, I've got friends and family, knitting that's spilling over the stash basket, and a good number of Giants and A's games on local TV. It'll do for now.


*For those who don't know, I do *not* take Tarot that seriously. I'm always looking for ways to reframe life's challenges, and if something as easy as a set of 78 cards helps me think about a problem in a different way, I'm all for it.



Comments: Speak your piece!

former / latter

Attack of the Blogs
Adrift in Japan
All Guinness
Ator's Ramblings
Bumptious
Dating God
Dooce
Everyday Stranger
Going Jesus
Hatamaran
I Don’t Think
Jessica Lovejoy
Kat's Paws
Maison Pants
Mimi Smartypants
No Regrets
Real Live Preacher
Spoonerisms
The Dillhole Spotter
Tobic
tremble dot com
Was I Screaming?
wench77

Talents 'n' Tempters
Anna Chambers
BearSkinRug
David Goines
Keri Smith
Leafages
Loose Tooth
Lush
Peach Berserk
Rob Dario
S. Britt
Sideshow
The Bird Machine
Tim Biskup
Toothpaste for Dinner
X-Entertainment

Brain or Bust!
The Atlantic
Babble
Found Magazine
How Stuff Works
Knot Mag
McSweeney's
The Morning News
OED Word of the Day
Project Gutenberg
Salon - Sex
Something Positive
Tomato Nation

Knitastic
Bonkers Fiber
Chicknits
devBear
Elann
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In Sheep’s Clothing
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Knitty
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Rowan
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Threadbear
Webs
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She's Crafty!
(thx, Beasties)
American Science and Surplus
crafty chica
Darma Trading
Feria Urbana
Fine Art Store
Get Crafty
Glitter Boards
Jejeune
Loobylu
Not Martha
Readymade Mag